Somehow, not by design, with only one exception everyone I've dated has been 8 years older than me. My friends have been all ages, I've "hooked up" with guys of all ages, but the serious relationships have always been guys 8 years older...including my husband.

For me: "Age ain't nothin' but a number."

Newt,
I had to chime in on this because I SOOOO agree with Jake's response. I can NOT imagine what a 51 year old man would think he had in common with a 15 year old. I just dont get it. I know youngsters can be enthusiastic, but the thought of the harm to the kid just doesnt seem worth any "thrill".

On to the topic. I have almost always played with older men, and was even accused of being a "daddy chaser". I never thought of it as that though. The older guys where the only ones that could talk AFTER sex, they read books, like different music, and could be a friend OUT of bed, as well as in. My own age group never could do that for me, no matter what age i was.

Now being 41, i still dont look for young men because again, I cant imagine what we would would do AFTER sex. I'm not putting the "younger than me guys" down, I guess I just need more than getting nekkid and cumming. I WOULD go with a younger man, I never say never, but he would have to have a brain as well as a labido.

Just my two and a half cents.

tim

yeah, but i dont want to have a long term with someone who i'd be their first.
there's too much out there to learn and explore, for the 'first timer' to just be happy with me.

i have to say though, i agree with most that's said, here in these posts though.
i'm 34 and i'm seeing an 18 yr old. there's a lot he has to learn, and i'm willing to be a teacher, but there's stuff that i cant teach him, that he'll have to learn on his own.

I am of two minds here. (I am a Gemini, surprise, surprise) My gut instinct is that there is a generational thing which precludes true understanding. What exactly that is, where the lines may be, I m not sure, but I do know that I was involved with a 20 something for 4+ years and it wasn't until the last frame that I realized how conned I was.

On the other hand, we wear a catchers mitt.

No, the other mind is that, true love has no lines, bounderies or age limit.

But what the hell do I know, lost it all for love.

I've had three relationships in my life with men five to seven years my elder. Each one would find some issue to point out that I was younger. I'm now in a relationship with a fellow 17 years my junior. We rarely discuss age and for the most part it is completely a non-issue. When he first told me his real age, I felt a bit awkward when I realized I could be his father. It never felt that way to me and he never looked at me that way. We just related well, have lots in common. We have fun together and enjoy each other's company. The sex is great and no complaints. Before I met him I felt I'd gotten too old and out of shape for anyone but then I met him and he didn't seem to care and I surprised myself by getting way more aroused than I thought possible. Seems I just hadn't met the right person. From what he tells me, I treat him with more kindness, love and respect than anyone else he's dated. In the long run, how you treat someone, how they make you feel is what is important. Age is relative.

Ten years ago the Montreal gay center gave a workshop called 'Mon nouveau age' for gay men 45 and above to adjust to moving into the 'Third Age', which at that time was presumably a non-sexual one. Viagra, improved health and fitness practices have changed that, although 45/50 is still a crossover point of sorts. To quote Maggie Kuhn, sex and learning til rigor mortis!

Traditionally a 7- or 8- year age difference was considered ideal for a gay couple to sidestep residual competitive karma between men, but nowadays everyone can mix it up any way they want, although I am very old-fashioned in thinking a late (>18 yrs.) sexual debut is better for both men and women.

***Everything I write here is in reference to consenting adults only.***

Whenever I see a seemingly "mismatched" couple of either (or undetermined) sex, I like to observe how they are with each other and if I see signs of mutuality between them, I'm bemused by the unlikeliness (of tiny with huge or gorgeous with plain or old with young, etc.) and happy for the couple. There are enough impediments to finding some scraps of happiness in life without restricting oneself or another to a fixed age range.

In gay tradition there used to be the role of "Auntie", who was an older mentor who befriended a younger man who was coming out. The Auntie eased the younger man into gay society and basically taught him GAY101. I suppose the Auntie was paid by having a young escort and possibly by exchanging a few private favors.

One of the loveliest relationships I had was when I was just coming out at 25. It was with a man more than twice my age, who was not only an excellent practical sex educator but who had also seemingly been everywhere and known everyone and had fascinating stories about some well known people and events that may have been more or less true. We remained friends for the rest of his life.

My grandfather was ten years older than my grandmother and they had been separated for years before I was born. In the next generation, my grandparents' failed marriage was used as an example in an attempt to persuade another relative from "making the same mistake." They ignored the advice and remained together until death didst them part.

There must be a few well known examples of May-December romances. All I can think of right now is Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall.

well i was in a relationship with a guy who was 10 years younger than me, he was 22 i was 32 at the time.....im 36 now. We lasted 4 years and it was actually a great relationship. Unfortunately things change and we are no longer together but i think it was a great experience overall. I think it depends on the person, not the age. You could be a mature 22 year old or a complete immature 42 year old.

I'm 9 years younger than my partner (I'm 35 and he's 44) and we've been together almost 6 years. The difference in age usually comes up in terms of cultural references - like old songs or shows you watched as a kid. Otherwise it's nonissue.

I agree with some of the previous posts in that life experience and maturity are more important that the years you've lived, but the most important I think is core values. If you're on the same page with the big stuff the rest seems ot sort itself out.

Currently I'm 37. My first relationship was at age 21 with a guy who was 12 years older. We were together for about 5 years. But he remains one of my closest friends.

The next serious boyfriend, who I started dating at 27, was 20 years my senior. We dated for 3 years but he is now my best friend in the world. On paper, we probably have nothing in common. He dislikes most of my music, doesn't know many of the cultural references from my generation, and is in a totally different place in his life. But what we had as lovers and now as friends is total chemistry. We understand each other more than any other people in each of our lives. He never was a father or even a big brother figure. We've always been equals.

Today, I'm attracted to men (for friends or lovers) in their early 20s up to somewhere in the 60s. (Not sure what my upper limit is.) And given a choice to be with any guy I wanted, I doubt I would always choose the youthful 20 something over someone hotter and older. The choice would have to be very person-specific.

I don't think at the time with these 2 men I actually sought out someone who was much older than me. And to be honest, I think I would prefer friendships and relationships (with most people) within 10 years of my own age. However, with these 2 friends, I learned you never can tell who you're gonna meet or what you're gonna get. So I remain open to just about anything concerning age.

Sadly, I didn't follow my own example a few years back. In my early 30s I became buddies with some younger straight guys in their early 20s in a film making class I was taking at the time. With these 3 guys I was in total sync. While we didn't necessarily share the same values, we had similar tastes and definitely shared the same sense of humor. I never laughed to much or so hard and I never felt as "right" with any group of people as I did with these 3. However, I was 32 and they were 20, 21, and 22. And I couldn't bring myself to tell them I was gay. I just couldn't get over the fact that they were so much younger than I was. And to be in your early 20s is always a huge separator from any other older age group. So, I purposely and consciously let the friends drift away.

Today, it is one of the greatest mistakes and regrets in life. I really miss those guys and they never knew (and I didn't realize at the time) just how important they were in my life.

The moral: love (platonic and romantic) is where you find it. It's one thing to be realistic about who you can and cannot relate to generationally, another to be totally shortsighted and self-defeating. These younger straight guys may not have been able to handle my gayness, but I'll never know, will I? I should have risked it anyway. Life is too short.

Just joined this tribe via Dean--spent way too many years in rural Nebraska farm and farm town. Now at 64 (and still with high energy level, fit, healthy body and ongoing sex drive) I am only attracted to 30 to 50 year old guys; and I guess that I am bothered by the premise that at my age, many would say I am looking like a lecherous old fool. I am NOT a lecherous old fool. So many men my age seem not motivated and sedimentary.

<A gay friend and I were laughing about how heterosexuals seem to get REALLY weirded out about the idea of a relationship between two or more partners who are 5, 10, 15, or even 20 or more years apart.>

There's a reason for that in heterosexual society: sexism. There's a power differential along with the age difference in heterosexual relationships, that we don't have in same-sex pairings.

For generations it has been okay for older men to date and marry MUCH younger women. The trophy wife. The reverse has always been seen as gross, because older women are seen as sexually repulsive; whereas men are allowed to retain the image of sexiness.

Feminism has made slight progress against the double-standard, and now you have even some men damning the older man/younger woman pairing, while occasionally seeing more older women/younger men pairings. But the double-standard still exists, and the older women tend to live in fear that their younger men will leave them (and they probably will).

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

-- Mark Twain